Birmingham's Eve

As Samantha Grace and I gear up to head to Birmingham tomorrow afternoon, the time cannot pass quick enough. Our sleepless nights are adding up quickly, the wackiness (if that is a word) of her blood sugar numbers over the past several weeks are driving all of us crazy looking for answers, but my worries and storms are put to a halt when I read Rollin's mom's latest blog...In Brooke's words...

Somewhere inside I had finally found peace, comfort and then more bad news. We have to meet with her Dr. tomorrow to discuss Rollins having an MRI. I refused, but she was insistent. She wants to further understand what happened last Tuesday and look deeper than the CT scan. She thinks there might be something else wrong, a problem caused by the chemo. I don't know much more than that and won't know until we talk tomorrow at clinic, but I am angry and very scared. I never asked why this happened to Rollins 18 months ago, I just asked God why it wasn't me. Any mother would take the pain, and in Rollins case the Cancer, just to protect her child. I am very angry and just want her little body to be left alone. She has been through so much, not another complication​. The Dr. ask why I was so scared of the MRI, was it b/c of what they might find? I guess the answer is yes. I am terrified of what they might find, she is my baby. I know it doesn't work this way, but hasn't she had enough - isn't the cancer enough? For those of you trying to call, I am sorry but can't talk right now - just feels best in the quiet with Rollins with me. I know I just got the call from the hospital and all this is new to me, I just feel like crumbling. ​ What do I do? I guess I pick myself up and press on, but right now I am scared, angry and feel so helpless. Please pray for her just like you did in the hospital. Please pray that this is just something we have to go through, but everything will be fine. Please pray God lift her up and protect her from anything​ more. Please pray she is perfect, and I can go back to praying just for her leukemia.

I understand what it feels like to want to just hold your baby and be away from "the world". I understand what it is like to wonder, 'How much more can my little one take on?' So we stop and pray...

Pray...something we all do everyday whether in good times or bad times. Something that I was reading this morning on the treadmill was the importance of following through when we tell someone, "I'll pray for you." It should be solid commitment, for it is not only a commitment to that person(s) needs but also a commitment to God.

So I as I sit in my arm chair writing, wearing worn out jeans that remind me to fall on my knees and pray.

"How bold and free we then become in His presence, freely asking according to His will, sure that He's listening." -1 John 5:14 - 15 (The Message)